@Lisa_Laughs_: If you buy a house off Craig's List, it comes with a free serial killer.
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@garrettbarry70: A clown sighting was reported at the office this morning but it turns out Karen put her make up on in the car again.
@crunkdumpster: Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "Dude I'm allergic to fish." TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, "THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"
@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.