@zgbetty: If you can fit all your liquor in a cabinet I question your commitment to alcohol.
@_Tempo11: My dog took his raw food upstairs and ate it in my bed. How's your night going?
@T_Bonezzz: *Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI
@themiltron: god: go to earth
god: i have a plan
jesus: is it a nice plan
god: it's a plan
@Firawesome: If all the good ones are taken and you are single, what does that make you?
@ClickBaite: Watches my wife cut the 2 yr. olds apple juice with water ...
*Hauntingly second guesses every drink she's ever mixed for me now