@chrisdowning: If you can pin an animal in the petting zoo down for a three count, you get to take it home.
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@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer
@Sassafrantz: I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
@UncleDuke1969: "Remember those funny tweets about Keith? And, the Chad jokes? Haha! They were great! We should do those again. Right, guys? Guys?" - Karen
@Mr_Kapowski: ME: Do we have Bacon Bits? WIFE: Fridge. Why? ME: *filling pockets* No reason *dog park* PERSON: Sorry. He's normally behaved ME: No prob