@slimmy_shady: If you can read this, you're standing too close to my iPhone!
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@Reverend_Scott: Muggers: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE Me: My Lord will protect me Muggers: Haha, right- Jesus: [appears wielding dual katanas] I smell SINNERS
@TragicAllyHere: [opening the fridge to find no yummy snacks inside] [me to the fridge] you had one job
@GinAndJif: When animals lick each other it's bonding, but when I do it at work as part of a team building exercise it's all "inappropriate" & "call HR"