@slimmy_shady: If you can read this, you're standing too close to my iPhone!
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@davedittell: *friend bites off beer bottle cap at party* HONEY! HONEY!! NOW!! NOW!!! *wife jumps out car with a hundred jars from the fridge*
@kirbys4losers: I can feel you getting distant from me; my only wish for you is that your destination is oncoming traffic.