@sarcasticmommy4: "If you can't beat them, join them," I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast.
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@lucidchemistry: 10 likes this girl so I'm going to teach him everything I know about women long story short we're getting our bikes to ride around her house
@eliyudin: I spent so much time bowling as a kid that the first time I fingered a girl I accidentally threw her down the hallway
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: How many beers did you have while I was gone? Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.