@cessperience: If you can't beat them, try again when they're sleeping.
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@3sunzzz: Therapist: Are you a man or a mouse? Mickey: Quite frankly, I was hoping you could tell me.
@hipstermermaid: 1886: We invented a car! 1903: We invented a plane! 1969: We went to the moon! ... ... ... ... ... ... 2015: Taco Emoji!
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.