@LouisPeitzman: If you can't handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don't deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don't know.
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@Geanina_26K: I'm going to nap so hard today, my pillow Is going to need a cigarette when I'm done with it
@JustASmirk: My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed.
@zachreinert03: I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off