@JessObsess: If you can't handle me at my un-shaved, you don't deserve me at my waxed.
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@SteveKoehler22: Our credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it .... The thief is spending less than my wife did.
@AndyAsAdjective: INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: shape shifting INTERVIEWER: is that so? INTERVIEWER: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@zachreinert03: Audrey Hepburn probably has my favorite last name that combines an STD and a symptom of an STD
@AndyAsAdjective: I bet every time Vanilla sets his razor down on the bathroom sink, he looks up in the mirror, rubs his newly smooth face & says "Shaved Ice"