@Brentweets: If you can't handle me at my worst that makes sense and I'm sorry for setting your house on fire.
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@GrillinChillin9: The brake is on the left, the gas peddle is on the right, & the liquor store is 4 miles ahead. -Me teaching my 3yr old niece how to drive
@KeetPotato: kid dressed as dog: "trick or treat" me: wife: "give him some chocolate then" me: "i don't want to kill him linda"
@Try2StopME: Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
@HeMightBeJason: Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it's burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth. I'm a goddamn genius.