@carlyken: If you can't handle my interpretive dance to November Rain than you don't deserve me doing splits on the hood of your car to Whitesnake.
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@Momtoteens: When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.
@Vodkantots: If he doesn't return your texts, it's because he's busy leaving his wife for you. Obviously.
@PyrBliss: I'm no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it's 4AM and I'm making up words again.
@NicestHippo: You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over