@Donna_McCoy: If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.
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@pizzajaynow: When a Jehovah Witness dies, Heaven turns off all the lights and pretends no one is home.
@MarylandMudflap: Slowly crawl towards your sleeping dog, put your face directly next to its face, and whisper "I know it's been you shitting in my yard."
@iLightbulb: Me:I need to focus on work Brain: Remember that sweet song on the radio this morning? Me:Yeah that was sweet Brain: Let's sing that instead
@karencheee: Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.