@Donna_McCoy: If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.
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@HEYWATCHMETWEET: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching.
@sameverlark_: Joe: Hey Barack, why does Trump wanna ban preshredded cheese Barack: Joe please Joe: TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN Barack: I swear to God
@ramblinma: I accidentally told my kid I paid for a toy "that Santa brought" and now I'm stuck in an elaborate web of lies please send help.
@shkeeber: I can't diet because it would devastate the local fast food economy, and frankly, I just don't think I could live with that kind of guilt.