@DurtMcHurtt: If you can't spell, we can't hangman.
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@david8hughes: [mattress store] Me: bet u get a lot of losers asking which ones are piss proof huh Clerk: not really Me: what would u recommend to them tho
@markleggett: 1am: Huh, I'm not tired... 2am: I feel great! Maybe I don't need sleep? 3am: LET'S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I'VE EVER HAD. 3:04am: Euthanise me.
@Tmoney68: Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, "YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD," because I am a mature adult.