@fatherofcomedy: wish there was an edit option when d atm shows ur account balance!

@Izianikapani: I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.

@SteveSuckington: [camping] "Dad I'm afraid a raccoon is gonna come in my tent and eat me" -don't be silly. It'll probably be a bear. Sleep tight.

@MavenofHonor: Before the invention of the automobile, you had to put roller skates on your horse

@ericsshadow: My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.