@2014longview: If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.
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@DaddyJew: Apparently shouting out "he has a gun" isn't the best way to let everyone in the bank know that you see the security guard. I know this now.
@WhatsHerFace33: Friend - You smell nice, what's that perfume you're wearing? Me - Fear and fabric softener.
@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!