@2014longview: If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.
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@buttgh0st: "sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?" yes it was like a weird pancake
@TheHyyyype: 16yo [talking w friend]: fam that's lit af, tell bae and the squad that it's on fleek PARENT: *calls 911* i think my kid's having a seizure
@sarahyehia82: Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.