@MiniiG: If you complain about not being able to find your boyfriends name on a keychain that store will think you have a boyfriend
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@KeetPotato: me: "leave the door ajar on your way out" jam salesman: [visibly confused]
@WildeThingy: Spider bucket list: 1. Eat flies 2. Don't get squashed by a crazy screaming lady when all I'm doing is eating flies 3. Meet Peter Parker
@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.
@justmeundead: Me: *trying to sleep Brain: He said you were pretty Me: *smiles Brain: but not beautiful
@BoozeWallet: I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.
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