@sacha_is_good: "If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next.
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@Test_of_Steron: Husband: I called my boss "Honey" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out.
@atthecubicle: Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
@GrabTheWEness: When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?
@AnitaHelmet: You can tell a lot about a person by their avi. For instance if they use an egg, they're probably a chicken.