@UNTRESOR: If you cut off a mommy blogger's head she can continue mommy blogging for up to three full minutes.
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@themiltron: PERSON WHO JUST INVENTED WINDOWS: Check it out. PERSON WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT CURTAINS: I hate it.
@wendchymes: My boyfriend and I are into role playing-I pretend to be hotter and skinnier and he pretends not to be a Nigerian teen in an Internet cafe .
@1_swarthy_dude: [1st date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Her: "I'm a Herpetologist." Me: "Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?"
@HatfieldAnne: Sure I’d love a long chat. Let me make you more comfortable. *slides a cactus plant between us*