@weinerdog4life: If you cut your goat in half you'll have two goats, that's just simple math.
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@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over
@imdaintyaf: People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS
@WilliamAder: We have a local weatherman who often forecasts "changeable skies." He makes a lot of money to make that call.