@thenoahkinsey: If you didn't wanna hear "Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it," you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!
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@ElayneBoosler: If George W. Bush was the president of France today, he would declare war on Finland.
@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.
@Marlebean: Chaperoned my son's field trip to the farm today. Didn't lose any children! But this fluffy kid has been clucking the whole bus ride home...