@Parentpains: If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on.
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@stevemarriott: Mediocrites was not the greatest hero from Greek mythology, but nor was he the worst
@robyn_vo: Watched the movie Gravity tonight. Didn't see as much gravity as I expected. Two thumbs down based on that.
@Bandersnaaatch: On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.
@samthe8th: When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I'm a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.