@junejuly12: If you don't believe in evolution, how do you explain corn dogs.
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@Shower4Thought: I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought "nah".
@flashember: [Stock market crashes] "Oh no, I better check on my investments!" *opens cupboard over top of the sink* [1000s of Shrek dvds fall out]
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Some coworkers sign emails with "cheers" or "sincerely" followed by their names but I typically use "you've made a powerful enemy today."