@TheBoydP: If you don’t believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?
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@just1fool: "Do you wanna build a snowman?" "Sir, this is a Build a Bear shop." *Pulls out carrot "Oh, you brought a carrot. Sure, whatever."
@djdarrellripley: *At The Opera* Her: Where are you going? Me: I have to go to the Men's Room. Her: I have the car keys. Me: Shit!
@kumailn: "I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists." "I'll kill a lion!" "It was a beloved lion with a name." "Dammit."