@MomOnFire: If you don't clean up this room I will empty threat you so hard!
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@iRowlf: Lowe's banned me for yelling "From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!", as I explained how much carpet I needed.
@CharmandBrains: I call bullshit on red wine reducing fat. If there was any truth to that, I'd resemble a crack addict.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old found a jar of Play-Doh. I figured she couldn't do any harm if she couldn't open it. She threw it at her sister's head.