@MomOnFire: If you don't clean up this room I will empty threat you so hard!
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@AnkCoupleTO: I'm lost & peeing on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, just wish this bear who's about to kill me gave me a little more privacy
@juliussharpe: Business plan: 1) Spend 20 years mastering karate 2) Teach karate class, so you meet people who don't know karate 3) Rob them
@ericsshadow: COP: Is this man bothering you ma'am? ME: She's my wife MY WIFE: [mouthing and nodding yes behind me]
@heatherlou_: I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we're both laying in the floor looking at my phone.