@LoveNLunchmeat: If you don't count the six chocolate chip cookies or the two dead bodies, my diet's going pretty well today.
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@bridger_w: "Oh, are you driving?" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk
@JumpingJesusH: If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough.
@thenatewolf: I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.
@genepompa: Can't believe my dog just ran into Petco and left me in the car with the windows rolled up