@LoveNLunchmeat: If you don't count the six chocolate chip cookies or the two dead bodies, my diet's going pretty well today.
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@respected_loner: i hate when the news guys say "our nation's capital". stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is
@KeetPotato: cop: [bangs on door] "open up, its the police" me: [flushing snickers multi-packs i sell individually down toilet] "two seconds"