@LoveNLunchmeat: If you don't count the six chocolate chip cookies or the two dead bodies, my diet's going pretty well today.
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@StellaRtwot: We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.
@bingowings14: Either I just saw a bat in the garden or the mice are using hand-gliders to avoid our cat.
@AndyAsAdjective: Respond to every "How was your weekend?" today by staring off into the distance & whispering "So much blood..."