@Sutton_Speaks: If you don't have anything nice to say, say it sarcastically.
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@KentWGraham: I used to sing my daughter to sleep at night, which is probably why her first word was “Stop.”
@UrbanDouchebag: Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Actually sir, we have you on camera."
@ms_woodsy: Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don't have any friends.
@KyleMcDowell86: [old couple feeding ducks in the park] "Nothing could ruin this Edna" *I scare all the ducks away, punch the old man and steal their bread