@GeminiJew: If you don't know the difference between a spree killer, a mass murderer, and a serial killer, we can't be friends.
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@bromanconsul: LA girls say they want to go on "adventures" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking
@mjkspeaks: [job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.
@jwoodham: Hey, Edgar Allen, go ahead and Poe me up another drink! Don't tell me to be quiet, lady! Why are there so many books in this bar?