@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
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@BuckyIsotope: All the toys under the tree Have now gone completely missing You’ve been hit by You’ve been struck by Reverse Santa Claus
@PoliUncorrect: If I learned anything from my childhood, its that if you cry long enough, your dead hamster will be reborn as a rabbit
@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.
@shutupmikeginn: Sea turtles happened when god got stoned one night and wondered what would happen if a frisbee was a lizard.