@ceejoyner: If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now.
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@Book_Krazy: A fun way to make someone self conscious, is to put a nose hair trimmer in their grocery cart while maintaing full eye contact with them.
@P_o_n_k: INVESTOR: But how will I know when it's done? INVENTOR OF THE TOASTER: Think of the most startled you've ever been.
@Robert_Beau: I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
@truegritrumble: BEEKEEPER: *opens up beehive and finds a peanut butter and jelly sandwich* If that's here... KID: *opens up lunchbox in school cafeteria*