@ceejoyner: If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now.
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@juliussharpe: When I die, I'm not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.
@Jesssicle: Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
@NicestHippo: I was on my way to commit a heinous act of religiously motivated violence but then I saw a Coexist bumper sticker
@Thedudish: Is it true animals can sense danger? The cat's been wearing a helmet all week, and it makes me nervous.