@Alex_N_Chains: If you don't think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
@LanaAllende: Pretty disappointed that Shakespeare's Hamlet didn't turn out to be the story of a delicious tiny ham.
@theshamingofjay: I change Siri to a man's voice and now it doesn't answer any more questions and turns off for hours
@JennyJohnsonHi5: No matter how adorable you think your young son is, it's best you not refer to him as a "lady killer", it might end up being true.