@mrjohndarby: [date]
me: so if u could change any part of your body what would it be?
her: *laughing* I guess my ankles. what about you?
me: well, u know the bit behind the knees?
*awkward silence*
me: *leans in closer* I'd love em to be as hairy as armpits
@brittwastaken: I want to find a way to get women naked, rub them with lotion, and convince them to pay me for it at the end.
-The inventor of massage
@fuzzlime: Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store
@ceejoyner: When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
@liv_thatsme: Leading causes of death among men:
1. Heart attacks
2. Strokes
3. Getting their wives a gym membership for Valentine's Day
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