@Jaywoo74: If you don't think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you're probably the boss
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@big_mick_carter: Chinese takeaway - £17 Delivery charge - £1 Realising the idiots have forgot one of your containers - Riceless
@_Bankrobber_: FUN GAME: when someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say "Like the murderer?!"
@RobDenBleyker: This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.