@Jaywoo74: If you don't think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you're probably the boss
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@tastefactory: INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths? APPLICANT: I'm a detail-oriented team player [nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]
@Jandalize: With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy.
@TheBigBatman: During childbirth the pain is so great that a woman almost knows what it's like for a man to have the flu.