@OddMarc: If you don't walk sideways chanting 'crab people' when holding tongs, we can't be friends.
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@Thereeveryday: The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus
@SurreySlum: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me every place I go I have no money
@TravLeBlanc: I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.