@smilely_gal: If you drive a Hummer, I will assume you are a douchebag. If aforementioned Hummer is bright yellow, I will crown you their king.
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@iwearaonesie: *wife offers me a sip of her water* m: Am I gonna catch what you have? w: No m: w: m: Are you sur- w: You're not going to get my period!
@Jake_Vig: George Clooney and Brad Pitt fall in love and rob casinos together. #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
@Rollmaninoz: *Drops son at preschool* Son: I love you daddy *tears up* *3pm picks son up* S: love you Ms H, love you stuffed toy Me: oh I see how it is