@smilely_gal: If you drive a Hummer, I will assume you are a douchebag. If aforementioned Hummer is bright yellow, I will crown you their king.
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@vineyille: Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years.
@jeannerbeaner: My signature move is eating a whole bag of something before realizing I don't like it.
@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?