@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.

@thatdutchperson: [making flamingos] God: bird. Adam: got it. G: but it stand still a lot. A: ok.. G: on one leg. A: how high are you? G: make it pink.

@trojansauce: GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables

@mydanimarie: DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point

@AristotlesNZ: This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck.