@Underchilde: If you drop food on the floor in public, it’s proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth.
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@InternetHippo: superhero movie: this already insanely hot person discovers they have numerous additional gifts me: this is relatable as hell
@TheTweetOfGod: Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life.
@duplicitron: Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.