@_Mo_lee_: If you eat a pregnant girls food, you're required to have the baby for her
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@robdelaney: How did SkyMall go bankrupt? I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.
@joeljeffrey: [At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly
@mattvbrady: im about to go on a date. im sure it will be perfectly normal and wont go viral or anything...