@SardonicTart: "OMG why am I so sore?" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* "Oh right."

@jonnysun: ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down

@trojansauce: [interview] "what's you're biggest weakness?" *whispers* "sorry i couldn-" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME

@annabeloakes: My husband asked what Vine was while reading a BOOK. Hahaha 1910 called, it wants its intellect strengthening form of entertainment back!

@Jenny4ashley: Why is there only 50 shades of grey? Why not 5,000? What's stopping them?