@SergioValenCo: If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too.
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@vladchoc: Your first instinct is gonna to be to spell “leopard” and “deaf” correctly. You’re going to want to resist that. – Best band manager ever.
@Crunk_Jews: [blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU
@OfficialMizGin: Cologne companies have no clue what really attracts women. If they did, every bottle would smell like doughnuts.
@NervousJr: People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.