@dixonshuman: If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank
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@jazmasta: *strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called "I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"
@truegritrumble: ME: *pulling up my pants* What's the prognosis, Doc? DOCTOR: You've got cancer. ME: WHAT?! DOCTOR: Haha. Jk. I'm not a doctor.
@ch000ch: *watching a cop walk past during drug deal* ok relax, just be cool.. "bonjour mademoiselle how much of le methamphetamine dost thou fancy"
@WilliamAder: What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?