@Wine_Honey1: If you ever come home and I'm in your house naked, I'm not stalking you. I just needed to borrow your wine opener, mine broke.
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@AnitaHelmet: You can tell a lot about a person by their avi. For instance if they use an egg, they're probably a chicken.
@david8hughes: [first day as Niagara Falls tour guide] And to the left you can see [frantically flips through your guide] water.
@withanewname: *Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water"