@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
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@crazytraci72: "Who am I?" she beckoned the stars. Stars: We've gone over this a million times. You are a geisha caveman.
@dafloydsta: [wedding] "Anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?" ME: *from back* THEY'RE DOING A CASH BAR *priest drops bible*
@ChaseMit: "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" could also describe every menu item at Olive Garden.