@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
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@batkaren: I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I'm breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries
@SirEvisiae: EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! "What's that?" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. "Aren't you supposed to use the other half?" ...shit.
@HatfieldAnne: Dinner: I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH! IT WILL NEVER HEAL! NOTHING WILL EVER BE RIGHT AGAIN! Next morning: Oh, OK.