@JonasPolsky: If you ever feel stupid, just remember that every day, people are searching the internet to find out "Is the drug from LIMITLESS real?"
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@fizzlestothetop: Well, seeing as Jesus only had 12 followers, I'd say I'm doing pretty well for myself.
@DrFFurter: Women say they like tall men and I'm probably 6ft 4" in these stilettos and not a single girl in this bar has approached me yet!
@Parentpains: My wife said she wished she never woke up this morning. Turns out we do have something in common.
@joci2203: Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over Miss? Me:[takes a quick suck off helium balloon] No officer why? Cop:Lol, nevermind