@JonasPolsky: If you ever feel stupid, just remember that every day, people are searching the internet to find out "Is the drug from LIMITLESS real?"
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@Chumpstring: [job interview] INTERVIEWER: what can you tell me about the last three years of your life ME: just that i hope they haven't started yet
@chickenmclovin: New way to avoid pregnancy: Wear double condom with chilli powder in between. If outer breaks she will know, if inner breaks u will know.
@SharkJelly: [At Adele Concert] Adele: Hello from the other siiiiiide Me (shouting): Tell us your surname
@remmarg_yelsel: With Instagram's new video function, we will now be able to hear the quacks from all the duck faces.