@ThisHotGarbage: If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
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@erikbransteen: Kanye West tweeted that Bieber's 'What Do You Mean?' was 2015's best song. The "...which wouldn't happened without me" tweet coming soon.
@WGladstone: Lady Gaga got engaged on Valentine's Day with a heart-shaped ring, indicating her fiance shares her love for bold originality.
@OutOnTheMoors: Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way.
@VeganZebra: [Noah from the Bible is doing laundry and his washer just starts spewing water] DEBORAH GET THE BOAT