@ThisHotGarbage: If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
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@AlmightyBored: During a natural disaster be sure to keep your phone with you at all times. You never know when you might think of a joke to tweet.
@ShrugLord: It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day
@CornOnTheGoblin: thunderbolt and lightning very, very frightening me (mashed potatoes) mashed potatoes (mashed potatoes) mashed potatoes
@NakedHangover: What I learned in college: 1. Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.