@SirEviscerate: If you ever find yourself drowning in a pool of egg whites and sugar, simply keep thrashing until you're resting comfortably on a pillow of meringue.
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@ArfMeasures: Son: Daddy, when does this end? Me: No-one knows, our existence is a long, bleak road upon which we travel until the final embrace of death Son: I mean when does this party end? Me: 7.30
@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
@Kendragarden: Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?