@DamonHunzeker: If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark.
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@oria2326: I am so used to automatic doors at work that when I come across one I have to physically open I just stand there like a dummy
@ConanOBrien: One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.
@KeetPotato: "we lost your dad during surgery im very sorry" ha, hes always wandering off "no he.." *holds up one finger while on phone* dad ring me back
@krisv_723: Sometimes when I'm driving I'm overcome with an urge to run into an overpass pillar. Anyway, I'm Kris & I'll be your Uber driver.