@iamch0pper: if you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "in jesus name amen"
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@BritXNic: I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.
@KeetPotato: Yes, I'd like to return this pizza "is there a problem, sir?" *opens box* ITS GOT NO TOPPINGS ON "sir, you've opened the box upside-down"
@Michael_Erhart: Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave.
@daemonic3: [heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows