@iamch0pper: if you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "in jesus name amen"
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today.
@AbrasiveGhost: [torturing terrorist] [plays EDM] [beat rises] [beat keeps rising] [beat rises endlessly] Terrorist: MAKE IT DROP I'LL TELL U ANYTHING
@missmayn: I find it in poor taste that the 1am drive-thru attendant asks "How are you?" Not good, Maria. Clearly.