@iamch0pper: if you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "in jesus name amen"
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@Schmoodles: You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
@TheAlexP: * see weird traffic pattern * turns down radio * smoothly avoids gargantuan pothole * runs over sign saying avoid gargantuan pothole
@AndyAsAdjective: Just the other day, I asked my mom at what age do children start really listening to their parents but I don't remember what her answer was.
@MomOnFire: Them: You're burnt out. Me: Yes. T: You need a break M: Yes. T: I'm worried. M: Okay. Will you watch my kids for a minute? T: Hell no.