@JonnyStallone: If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in Jesus name amen"
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@Sickayduh: Her: *flipping pages* Ya know, everything doesn't have to be about you Me: but that's my autobiography
@Barknado69: Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET
@neiltyson: Geologists are important for our understanding of rocks on Earth and on other planets. So never take them for granite.
@xLiserx: Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat.