@JonnyStallone: If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in Jesus name amen"
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@Chumpstring: SON: can I yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: I can yell boom DAD: boom's ok SON: how about "my mom's a lesbian now" DAD: please don't
@TheBoydP: “Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable…” ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out
@: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”