@JasonLastname: If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: IF THEY'RE THE GREATEST GENERATION WHY CAN'T EITHER OF MY PARENTS REMEMBER THEIR FACEBOOK PASSWORDS?!
@ArfMeasures: GUIDE: If you see a bear, just make yourself big [Months later] DOCTOR: You weigh 300 kilos ME [mouthful of donuts] I saw a bear
@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.