@Parentpains: If you ever hear me say that I missed you it's only because I have bad aim.
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@dafloydsta: Little Red Riding Hood is my favorite story about an idiot who can't tell the difference between a human and a wolf.
@truegritrumble: "How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?" -Cats
@Book_Krazy: Yeah sex is great, but have you ever rubbed your eyes for a really long time? O. M. G.
@smithsara79: Me: *trying to sleep but can't stop sniffling* sorry, the box of tissues on my nightstand is empty Him: if it's empty, it isn't a "box of tissues," it's just a box Me: *already blowing my nose on his sleeve*