@elvisknievil: If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie.
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@mattingebretson: Whenever I see someone with a non-reusable water bottle I get a gun and shoot a nearby animal and say "you did that"
@Cunda22: I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don't look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning.
@PaperWash: bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet
@NintenDom: It's Facebook's 10th birthday today. Let's all click "Maybe" on the event invite and then not show up.