@Miss_MI_Kay: If you ever really want someone to call back, leave them a message saying, "I've got tickets to..." and hang up
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@Rich_McCarthy: Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf 😂 "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police
@vineyille: I place my finger on the police officer's lips. "Shhh. Look, we were both speeding, ok? I forgive you."
@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: Why don't we ever have sex anymore? Me: What's this "we" shit? I'm having plenty.