@Douchekevin: If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@billcheek26: I'm taking my niece and nephew to the corn maze today. If I can't lose them there, I'll try the mall again.
@Okeating: I didn't take my husband's name when I got married. I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith.
@balloonsmatt: Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.