@Douchekevin: If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day.
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@Maddy_ubert: Nurse - "OK we are gonna start you on the scale" Me - "You know what maybe I'm not so sick after all, *pulls knife put of leg*
@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat
@causticbob: Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis.
@Neauxpe: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you were the only car in the lot and I parked so close you couldn't open your door.