@ariscott: If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.
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@est1975blog: I never knew my son was 80 years old until he told me to text our neighbor because "his leaves are getting on our lawn."
@chuuew: [at the ballet] "Their feet must be killing them. Why don't they just hire taller ballerinas?"
@justabloodygame: *singing scales* Do, Re, uh... *calls Lionel Ritchie* "Hey" Hello! "What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?" Is it Mi you're looking for?
@funnybeachgirl: Friday night plans *break into plastic surgeon's office *put goldfish in the silicone implants *sneak away undetected *giggle like a maniac